The Case Of The Hilarious Pizza!

Ok, some of you may have read my post on the Kochin Food Mall and my first visit to the place and the Revenue Tower building which houses it. During my last visit, just as I was leaving, I had noticed that there was a board for a pizzeria. I didn’t catch the name properly or remember which stall it was but I thought I should try it out sometime. That was on the 6th of this month and last evening a friend and I went to visit the food court or food mall whatever you want to call it.

Once again I must say that this place should be advertized more and they should properly maintain it – it could be a really good, busy & profitable place but they are just letting it rot! I wasn’t very happy with my last experience there with the NFC stall (ordered a garlic chicken burger with a piece of crispy fried chicken as a side since they didn’t have any fries ready yet – the burger was small but tasty but the chicken piece was bland and no salt at all) but since they have 8 other food stalls in the food court I thought I should try out some other ones and give them a fair chance. Anyway, we were in the mood for some pizza and so we went to the food court and looked around for the pizza stall.

Trouble was, we couldn’t find it. We got off at the 3rd floor and went round the floor looking for the pizzeria stall but failed to notice it. So we went round again and no wonder we missed it! That’s was because one big stall was housing three differently named food stall joints. It was Bombay Haji Ali Juice Center, Sadar Pav Bhaji (chaat vendor) and CHEEZEZIA pizza corner – all in one big stall. The biggest in the food court, mind you. However, the other two signs are much bigger and the Cheezezia Pizza Corner is just one smaller hoarding on the bottom side! So when we asked the guy at the counter if that is where the pizza corner was as well, he said yes and gave us a small menu which had about 7 or 8 pizzas mentioned on it as well! Ok – that should have been our first clue as to not to order from there but we still went on.

We couldn’t find anything with meat mentioned in the ingredients and selected the “Schezwan” pizza and we hesitantly ordered that. They didn’t have an sizes mentioned so we were hoping it was a decent sized one. We then went to a soft drink stall and ordered 2 7up cans and went to sit at a table. A few minutes went by and we sipped some of the 7up and talked a bit. There were only 3 other tables that were occupied and one of them was occupied by management staff of the food court. It was almost 6:30 pm by then! And then the hilarity struck! This was what the server came and brought us calling it a pizza:

Can you see the joke on us? What the fuck is that? We were a little scared but tried them anyway. A medium sized pie with 8 small to medium slices. We slowly picked up a piece each and ate them. There were toast crusts of what seemed like rusk to us (if you don’t know what rusk is it’s a hard, dry biscuit or a twice-baked bread) – basically what they did was they served us a circular disk of rush, on top of which they added some cheese and – wait for it – the toppings that go with a usual BHEL PURI! A fucking bhel puri! The toppings other than the tomatoes were lots or coriander, chopped onions, tomatoes & Sev (a slight crunchy noodles made from chickpea flour paste). All that was missing was the puffed rice – bhel puri is a mix of puffed rice, sev, tomatoes, coriander, onions with ‘mixture’. So minus the puffed rice is what the toppings were.

I can’t say that it tasted that bad but it wasn’t good either. We were laughing so hard at the audacity of the stall vendors to call this piece of chaat food pizza and claim that they had a pizza corner in their food court. But yeah – this is India and Kerala in particular. This kinda stuff happens a lot over here. We managed to eat most of it but left some behind. It was without a doubt the worst pizza I have ever had!

3 thoughts on “The Case Of The Hilarious Pizza!

  1. LOL “What the fuck is that” indeed! Roshan I have NEVER seen anything like that! How on earth did they come up with that monstrosity?!?

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