What Keeps Me Up At Night

Strong black coffee keeps me wide awake 0~0; it gives me such a buzz that my eye lids are pried wide open and they won’t shut down.

A bad day at work usually keeps me awake. A good movie or tv series has that same affect too but only the latter is enjoyable. I especially like watching scifi movies/tv series around 11 or 12pm. Horror movies too.

But the thing that can keep me up at night the most is depression:

About where I am in life and the mistakes that I made which kept me here. About the stuff that I did that I now regret and wish I could go back in time and undo. The decisions that I made which I have to live with and the remorse that I feel when I am reminded of it by something. The fact that I’m turning 34 in a couple of days and there’ a lot of things that I haven’t achieved / done / got at this stage of my life which I think I should have by now.

But most of all what keeps me awake at night is loneliness. The feeling of emptiness that a guy feels when he does not that special woman to share his life with. I look to the right side of my bed and see the big empty space just begging to be filled with the form of a woman. To hold onto and talk to and hug to myself and feel that I’m not alone. Not having that special someone to confide in and be there for her as well.

That’s what keeps me up the most.

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2 thoughts on “What Keeps Me Up At Night

  1. Those kind of things wake me early in the morning and I get really upset. I lay there feeling sorry for myself and wishing things were different/better etc

    I know I have a partner and grown kids but I still regularly feel lonely – I know I shouldn’t but I do….

  2. You are not alone in feeling in this way. I am very hard on myself for what I see as my failures. I was sure that by now my life would be on a bit more of an even keel. Sometimes I get fed up but I am determined not to let things get the better of me. I won’t give up and I’ll keep trying. You have a lot going for you. Someday a beautiful lady will see that. Don’t give up ?

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